I know you want that saddle only two hours away…perfect excuse for an iced coffee and a road trip! I know you want to sell that horse blanket locally because it’s such a pain to ship.I know you found a killer deal on that tack set that is like-new.
Trust me, I know! A good deal on horse tack is a sure-fire way to get your heart thumping.
But I also know how dangerous it can be to meet people you don’t know. I grew up in the era of Craigslist, no cell phones, and 20/20 Dateline with Barbara Walters. In the age of social media, we might feel more connected and more talented at vetting out potential threats, but the reality is meeting strangers is still a risk.
After years of selling consignment horse tack, I’ve had my fair share of sketchy meetups and the uneasy gut feeling. And although most of my sales are online, local sales are increasing due to scammers, fake accounts, and bad sellers. Most of these local sales are with strangers, which means I take precautions very seriously when I am meeting someone in person on my own. In this post, you’ll read about some tips that should be a habit to make sure any meet-up situation goes smoothly and safely.
Facebook Stalking is not Just for Exes
Come on – admit it.
You’ve worked on your Facebook stalking skills at least once in your life: that old co-worker, an ex, or maybe a best friend who did you wrong. Maybe others judge you for doing a deep-dive in someone’s profile, but I am here to say: DO IT! Social media tells us so much about a person. Even though there are Catfish stories, most of the time we can get a really good picture of who someone is on Facebook.
Before I meet anyone in person, I always do a Facebook or Google Search on them. Here are some of the steps I take to make sure who I am meeting is who they say they are:
– Type their name in the search bar and click through the tabs titled “all,” “posts,” and “groups.” These are the most comprehensive searches and will show information that may not be on their profile. This search strategy will show if they are an actual member of your community and makes them more legit. If there are no posts or their posts seem to be out of context, then proceed with caution.
– Check out their friends on their profile. How many do they have? Do they have any interaction with their friends (likes, comments)? Any mutual friends? A small number (100 or less) is a warning sign. No interaction at all with their friends is a red flag. It’s unlikely a horse owner in your local area will not have any mutual friends with you. Make sure you know at least one friend in common to ensure they are a real horse owner.
– Review their photos. Some people have incredibly private Facebook accounts (and that’s ok!), but make sure they have a photo of their face in some way. I usually hesitate when I see photos of objects only like flowers, flags, or quotes. Look for photos of their horse. A profile without any evidence of horses is a red flag…you know we can’t resist posting those cute muzzles.
Remember: We are not judging people from their social media for the sake of judging them – we are trying to assess if they are safe to meet in person.
CanIgetyonumber?
Nope.
No you may certainly not. Never. Ever. I never give my number out to anyone that I do not personally know or have not met multiple times with good experiences. A phone number is a very private thing and can easily turn into a strategy for harassment, tracking, or even logging into your online accounts. Not giving a phone number also sets a clear boundary that says: I’m not yet comfortable with you.
Instead, stick to these forms of conversation until there is an established relationship of trust:
– Messaging Apps: Most apps can block or delete messages, automatically manage spam or responses based on your settings, record and store previous conversations, and provide an immediate contact much like a text message.
– Online Snail Mail: Email is still a major form of communication and is a great way to maintain privacy while still being notified of interest.
– Social Media: Public forms of communication provide a trail of conversation visible to others and feels less intrusive. Feel free to keep initial conversations on public postings and then move to a private message when you feel comfortable.
It’s important that you let the conversation become as private or public as you want when you’re ready. Do not let a buyer push you into a form of communication you aren’t comfortable with. If this happens, I like to say:
“The best way to reach me is…(Facebook, WhatsApp, Messenger, etc.)”
“I respond quickest to…”
“I prefer to use….to communicate.”
Any and all of these are OK for you to use, at any time. Do not be afraid to lose a sale or miss out on a purchase because you want to stay safe.
Send Me Your Location
We know location is important in business and real estate, but it’s equally as important for safety. I am very particular about where and when I meet people and people never come to my house. I like to set boundaries with my home because it’s my home. It is not OK with me to have strangers on my property getting a feel for the layout or potentially feeling that they can stop by unannounced in the future. Be careful who you share your address with. Horse tack is cool, but it’s not advertise where you live to strangers cool. Instead, choose a public meeting spot with great visibility and traffic. If possible, meet during the daylight hours. Some of these might include:
– Parking lots of major big-box stores
– Gas stations close to the freeway or in town
– Fairgrounds or arenas with events (game shows, horse shows) running
– Police station – you can always meet someone at a police station parking lot! Also consider your local fire station.
My next rule of thumb when meeting someone in a public place is to make sure someone knows the details of the meet-up, including location, time, and the name of the person. Your message might look something like:
“Hi! I’m going to meet (name of person) at (time). It will take no more than (amount of time). If you don’t hear back from me by (time), call me!”
You can also send the exact map pin, a screenshot of the person’s profile or message thread, or share your location for live tracking. There are several apps that allow you to safely share your location with a small group of friends so you never have to worry about being alone.
It doesn’t matter who you tell: grandma, best friend, mom/dad, a fellow equestrian, or even ME (you can always message A-List Tack on Facebook any time you are meeting someone). What’s important is that someone, somewhere knows who you met and where.
Other Tips from the Experts
You know that moment when your horse surprises you with a gigantic spook in that petrifying corner of the arena and you just barely stay on? You find yourself recentering your seat, taking a deep breath, heart pounding in your throat thinking “Wow I could have really hurt myself. I’m so glad I’m safe.” My wish is that you never have to whisper that to yourself after you meet someone.
Here’s a random list of tips I have collected from police officers and military specialists after whispering “I’m so glad I’m safe” in my car one-too-many times. These tips can become habits that help ensure meeting strangers is as safe as possible for extra cash.
– Keep your phone and keys on you, do not leave either in the car
– Carry protection to the extent you feel comfortable and can legally carry, perhaps pepper spray
– Ask for a description of their vehicle before you meet
– Park facing outward: back-in to a space or park so you have a view of who is entering/leaving
– Look for a photo of them beforehand so you can verify what they look like in person
– If you walk far from your car: check both sides, hit the unlock button so it lights up the inside of the car before you get in, and do not leave your car unlocked
– It’s OK for someone to hear you lock the doors, it is not offensive. Lock them.
– Meeting at a convenience store? Ask an employee to keep an eye on you while you’re in the parking lot
– Always keep a flashlight in your car along with a jacket and some kind of first-aid kit
-Wear shoes that are comfortable to walk or run in
-Stay off your phone while walking to your phone in parking lots. Being diligent of your surroundings is key
-Bring a friend with you, or keep them on the phone while you complete the meet-up
– Make sure no one is following you on the way home and change your route if needed
These might seem really intense and over-kill if you just want to buy a $20 noseband, but I’m here to remind you that your safety is important.
You Matter More than Tack
Your safety is the top priority. We know that headstall is super shiny. We know that is the EXACT bit you have been looking for FOREVER. We know you don’t want to pay shipping on a saddle.
We know.
But we also know that meeting can be safe or it can be unsafe. We never want you to sacrifice safety for horse tack. Even though it IS a really really really good deal. If you have a great safety tip to share, or you need our help being safe while meeting to buy or sell tack, we’re here for you.
Stay Safe,
Katie